Two years ago,Chanel Contos helped lift the lid on a culture of male sexual entitlement at high-fee boys’ schools. Her activism prompted a re-evaluation of the way consent is taught in schools.

During that debate,some argued gender segregation at single-sex schools was part of the problem,as it made boys and girls uncomfortable with each other. That may well be true,but co-ed schools face their own set of challenges,including that girls at some,but certainly not all,are enduring a level of harassment from which I,a 40-something woman,would be protected by my employer.

There are myriad reasons. The way schools deal with behaviour is one of them. When there’s a culture of clear,consistently enforced standards,conduct is generally better,so teachers find aberrance easier to detect and manage. But when the system is a mess and overloaded teachers have lost control,all sorts of unacceptable behaviour,including harassment of female students,passes unchecked.

A lack of support for schools is another. This can be complex stuff,intertwined with teens coping with new sexual feelings and embarking on their first relationships. A disturbing finding from the sex abuse royal commission was that a significant proportion of abuse is perpetrated by other children. There are about 1000 confirmed reports of so-called problematic or harmful sexual behaviour in NSW each year,and experts believe that’s the tip of the iceberg.

Sometimes,parents are the problem. Schools teach consent – it’s in the curriculum – but those lessons don’t go far if they’re undermined at home. The parents of the boy at the centre of the ombudsman’s report prevented their son from being held accountable. While education about sex and consent is vital to the fight against anti-social behaviour,it’s of little help when those who need it most refuse to listen.

Which brings me to porn. Children are exposed to explicit and sometimes violent pornography ever younger (the average age is now about 11),leading to an early and rapid education,often from other kids. Porn is the reason there’s moaning at primary school. It’s the reason a teacher can’t ask a group of 10-year-olds to add 30 to 39 without the whole class tittering. The federal government refused the e-Safety Commissioner’s request to pilot technology that would block children’s access to explicit content,which means the onus remains on parents and schools to fight its effects.

But some parents can’t or won’t,and the kids most at risk from absorbing the negative,sexist elements of porn are the ones who see it reinforced by fathers who mistreat their mothers. Their sons take those attitudes to school. And so the cycle continues.

We’re letting down girls if we allow them to become acclimatised to disrespect. We’re letting down boys if we allow them to escape consequences. Politicians and principals can’t do much about parents,but they can support schools to ensure young people are held to the same standards of respect in the classroom as adults are in the office.

Jordan Baker is Chief Reporter of The Sydney Morning Herald. She was previously Education Editor.

National Sexual Assault,Family&Domestic Violence Counselling Line:1800 737 732. Crisis support can be found atLifeline (13 11 14),theSuicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) andbeyondblue (1300 22 4636).

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