When winning is an obsession,perspective is required. It comes in the form of family,particularly Stuart’s 26-year-old autistic daughter Emma.

“Having children has changed me as a person,which has changed me as a coach,” he says.

“Going through their stages of life,you see scenarios and circumstances they are confronted with. That’s helped me strengthen relationships with my players and identify what’s best for them. You experience it with your kids growing up.

“I reckon I’ve softened as I’ve grown older because of my daughter Emma. She’s still the boss.”

There are two conversations,one during his time at the Roosters and another just after it that stick in Stuart’s mind.

The first occurred at the Eastern Suburbs Leagues Club during his first year in charge. It had been an injury-riddled start to the campaign,one that Stuart takes responsibility for after flogging his players too hard over the summer.

“I learnt a fair bit very quickly;those injuries were from a high workload I put into a squad that wasn’t used to it,” he says.

“There was a wonderful photo captioned on Channel Nine where we were all in our black suits and red and blue ties. There were probably 12 first-graders out of our 17 sitting on the bench injured.

“It was a great education for me at the start of my coaching career,to work under some adversity.”

Once the troops returned,the side started to come good. After a win two-thirds of the way through the season,Stuart and John Cartwright were having a beer at Easts when his great mate and assistant said something eerily prophetic:“I think we can win this competition.”

And so it came to pass.

Then Stuart contested the next decider. And the one after that.

Perhaps the coaching caper isn’t as difficult as it looks?

“I never thought it was easy,” Stuart counters.

Indeed,things got a lot tougher. The Roosters weren’t able to continue their great run and Stuart didn’t see out the 2006 season.

It led to a heart-to-heart with Ron Massey,Jack Gibson’s right-hand man. On only their second meeting,Massey asked the only question that matters.

Do you know why you got sacked?

Stuart told Masey he had spoken to Roosters chairman Nick Politis,who thought it was the best outcome for both parties.

Massey persisted. But do you really know why?

“And I said no,” Stuart says. “He told me. I won’t go into it,but he told me why.”

It was the difference between being told what you want to hear and what you need to hear. Massey,in his own inimitable way,had given it to him straight. Stuart took the tip and found an invaluable sounding board in the process.

Just a few years later,Stuart was even being compared to the great Gibson. Having just taken over at Parramatta in 2013,at the time the toughest gig in the game,Eels chairman Roy Spagnolo did little to douse expectations.

“It’s probably the best signing we’ve had,probably since Gibson,” Spagnolo said.

The look on Stuart’s face as those words were uttered were priceless.

“I thought Sterlo[Peter Sterling] and Mick Cronin must have been still in the squad,” Stuart quips.

Parramatta signed Stuart for three seasons,but he remained for only one. The constant boardroom bickering and instability at management level meant “Sticky” didn’t stick around.

“The environment they were creating was not healthy and it wasn’t for me,” he says. “I had to be tough. I had no dramas with the players,but I had to change that roster quickly if I was ever going to do anything.

“Out of all the changes in the roster,there’s only one player still playing today and that’s Matty Eisenhuth. What I did,I had to do. I’m still not sorry for it today because I did it for Parramatta people,the fans.

“I like Parramatta,the club itself and their fans because they are passionate. I love passionate people.

“At the end of the year when I said I was leaving,I didn’t break a contract because I had a clause to say that if there was any volatility from the board poking their nose in having involvement in football,I was allowed to leave.

“I took that part of the contract up. I had a decision then at the end of the year to go to the presentation night and I did.

“That was a very uncomfortable night. I did it for the players to show I wasn’t embarrassed about the decision. That decision was best for the club at that time and best for me.”

It’s ironic that a man who so detests losing has experienced some of his finest moments in defeat.

Ask Stuart about his best work with the clipboard and he reckons it has often come when on the wrong side of the ledger. Like in 2008,when he took an under-resourced Cronulla outfit all the way to the preliminary final,where they were knocked out by a Storm outfit cheating the salary cap.

“People only look at results with coaches,they don’t look at the process of where you’ve got your club culture,” he says. “They don’t look at recruiting,anything outside the Ws and Ls.”

The same can be said of his second stint as NSW coach,in 2011-12. The Blues narrowly lost both series – a lone try proved the difference in the first,a field goal separated the sides in the second – but State of Origin got its sparkle back.

“The Queensland team coached by Mal[Meninga] was the greatest rugby league team I’ve ever seen in Origin,” Stuart says. “There will never,ever be a greater rugby league team in the history of Queensland football,I can tell you. There will be Immortals that come out of that team.

“I took over and there were about 56,000-57,000 coming to the last game at Homebush. And then we sold out every game at Homebush for the next two years. I created some genuine passion for the jumper.”

Stuart’s own passion for the coaching caper has waned at times. There have been moments when his love for the game dissipated,to the point where he almost walked away altogether.

“Yeah,absolutely,” Stuart says. “Because of how the game is run. I’ve often said this game would be a lot better game if there was a fairer distribution of players.

“The salary cap is unfair. If we want to have expansion and move forward in the game,we need clubs like the Dolphins,our new expansion teams,to be competitive. With the way the salary cap is run today,it will never be successful …

“We all go through these stages in our work life but,fortunately,I’m enjoying coaching now more than I ever have.”

The passion for which Stuart is renowned remains. Sometimes it has proven costly;no coach has been fined more for speaking their mind more during post-match press conferences.

“It was six figures a long time ago,” he says.

However,the former NSW and Australian No.7 reckons the caricature sometimes painted of him – that of the cantankerous coach spraying his players – is way off the mark.

“I reckon people misread me with that type of behaviour,” he says. “Sprays,in inverted commas,don’t work today. There was a thing going around on social media with this coach that was giving his team an almighty spray at half-time and a lot of people thought it was me.

“I actually listened to it and thought it might have been me too! It did sound like me. But if you listen closely to it,it’s an Aussie Rules coach,he’s talking about one point and missed goals.

“I didn’t like it because I don’t feel I am that guy. I often say my players are like my mates and my family to me. That’s how it genuinely is. I don’t say that in trying to be all warm and fuzzy. As a coach,your responsibility is to care about your player off the field as much as on the field - off the field,probably more. And I do.

“They are my second family. I spend more time with them than my actual family.”

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