After six months in a cave it seemed the world had transformed into a kinder,cleaner and more civilised place.
This dog is a pathologically seasonal shedder,and I am a pathologically compulsive cleaner,which makes for a pathologically volatile situation.
Not a micro-celebrity,or even a mega-celebrity. I want to be an insta-celebrity.
Rosencrantz is polishing his golf clubs.
Oldies invented wasting time. We are Queensland’s experts at all hobbies:knitting,jigsaws,books,baking,crafts,model aeroplanes,internet porn… did you know we are also a very techno-savvy generation?
I always feel bad for the ones I reject,like I’m breaking their hearts.
Only this wasn’t - it was last week.
Molecular changes were happening inside me:I started craving whiskey,wanted to build a lute,needed to track down a local stockist for imported maple.
I mean,if I was to pick out an imperfection,just as an amusing little exercise,I guess the only thing I can think of – and I’m really struggling to think of anything – is the way you say the word “prosciutto”.
Rosencrantz takes a call. He shouts into the phone."Fake news!"
I am Gen X and I have been training for this my whole life.