Instead of confronting the grief,Camilla threw herself into work,first as an actress,then for adman John Singleton,a family friend,then her label. Work,she says,gave her a way"to not feel those deep wounds and that loss and that grief. I didn't fully deal with it when[Ben] passed away."
Becoming a mother to Luna has given Camilla"inner peace"and an understanding of the loss her mother,Narelle,must have experienced after Ben's death."This little girl is bringing a lot of healing into my life and my connection to my mother is growing stronger because of this little girl. My mum has gone through a big journey. I can't imagine what she felt[when he died]."
Camilla is known for her larger-than-life persona. In pursuit of her kaleidoscopic prints,she has jumped out of helicopters and been whipped and spat on in a tribal ceremony in the Amazon jungle. Just days after we meet,Camilla's"caravan",as she calls it,sets off around Australia,first to Byron Bay,then the Indigenous communities of the Daintree,and finally Uluru,to research her 2019 collection,her first inspired by the Australian landscape.
"I have always wanted to do Australia but I have been nervous to because I want to honour her,"she says."Travel does something so amazing,it strips you back,and forces you out of your comfort zone. It's in these moments of raw vulnerability where I learn."
Since reuniting with Jones,Camilla has a second home in the Welsh countryside,where she and Jones will holiday next month with Luna,who remains chilled throughout our shoot."I'm adventurous,we will do six-hour hikes. JP proposed to me on the top of Pen y Fan[the highest peak in south Wales],with blizzards. It might sound like the antithesis of me but it's more me than you realise."
A"hippie at heart",when it came to her birth plan,Camilla enlisted a doula and a birthing coach,who performed shamanic drum ceremonies to help her connect to the life growing inside her.
But pregnancy wasn't always an easy ride."I lost a bit of joy sometimes,"she admits."A lot of pregnant women don't talk about it and they probably should. It is a roller-coaster ride and it can't all be happy."
Camilla's labour began at home,surrounded by candles and the sound of drums,with Jones and her doula for support. After 20 hours,at the hospital,Camilla called for an epidural.
Camilla “Geisha Girl” kimono coat,$599,“Queen of Kings” kimono blouse,$549,and “Queen of Hearts” headband,$79. Dinosaur Designs “Boulder” bangle,$105. Elsa Peretti for Tiffany& Co. bangles,$670 each. Other jewellery,her own.Credit:Damian Bennett
"I got the best of both worlds. I gave it everything I had. I think a lot of women who go into labour and have to have a caesarean or an epidural feel like they have failed. No one has failed. The most important thing is giving birth to a healthy child."
Early in her pregnancy,Camilla,who conceived naturally,publicly railed against the doctors who said she would need fertility treatment to have babies. The backlash was instant,with several high-profile women,including television personality Lisa Wilkinson,calling her out for implying natural conception was"easy"for older women (Wilkinson had three miscarriages at age 40).
Camilla now says her comments were about her own experience and were taken out of context. She says she no longer"connects"with the negativity – part of the reason she doesn't have personal social media accounts or a laptop."Years ago,[criticism] would tear me apart. I could get 95 per cent good press and the five per cent would be the part I would concentrate on."
But,in true Camilla spirit,she says the healing,which took the best part of a year,has made her stronger,calmer and more balanced."I wasn't nurturing myself,I was working around the clock so I wouldn't have to feel,and it's important to feel. And that's one thing I am going to teach Luna."
Her most recent collection,The Long Way Home,pays homage to her struggles with a print that incorporates the text,"There's a universe inside my mind. There are the bright corners and pockets of darkness."It goes on to describe the familiarity of the darkness,and her journey back."This text… is the closest I've ever come to publicly describing what that time was like,"she tells me later by email from the Great Barrier Reef.
Camilla has since changed her diet,relationships and exercise routine. She invites her teachers into her office to run meditation,yoga and training sessions for her staff. And she's learnt when to let go.
"I don't work around the clock. It's about coming back to the present and focusing on what's happening and disconnecting from some of the work noise or negative noise. You need tools to do that,it doesn't just happen."
If Camilla's last collection reflected the darkest chapters of her life,then the next one reflects the brightest one yet – becoming a mother.
Camilla wears Peter Pilotto top from David Jones,Camilla “Heiress” kimono and “Heiress” trousers,and Tiffany bangle.Credit:Damian Bennett
Camilla designed the range,which she will show at Fashion Week Australia this week,while she was pregnant. It includes more structured jackets and fewer kaftans than previous collections. In her words,it's"more mature and elevated".
After Fashion Week,she and Jones will stage an exhibition of art inspired by their travels to India in 2016. Then it's off to Wales and England. And,sometime in the next 18 months,a wedding – the one postponed when Franks fell pregnant.
For now,though,she is focused on her role as"mama bear".
"You naturally transform when you become a mother but you have to practise it. It's easy for me to stop and run to the office but then you find yourself with your little girl,breathing with her,inhaling her... and everything seems to wash away."
"Life's journey has taught me that it's okay just to be,where before I lacked confidence and I was on the search for my identity. I have found it now."
Fashion editor Penny McCarthy. Photography Damian Bennett. Hair Michael Brennan at The Artist Group for Hair Rituel by Sisley. Make-up Linda Jefferyes at The Artist Group for Linda Jefferyes Liqlips.