I wasn’t prepared for this. There’s no manual or app with cute animations explaining how to support your child as they start stomping on other children’s hearts. “Tilly isnotmy best friend any more,” my daughter will announce and,when pushed to describe the relationship,she will say something devastating,like:“She took the stick I was playing with,” or “She gave our doll the wrong name”. There’s more drama than you could poke the offending stick at.
Sometimes,when she makes these kinds of statements,I find myself wondering if I can introduce her to the radical concept of conscious uncoupling,or if it’s too advanced for her young mind. Given that most adults outside of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin failed to get their heads around it,I realise it probably is.
“Everyone is your best friend,” I chant,hoping to hypnotise her into being an all-inclusive human who never hurts anyone’s feelings. At other times,I remember this is real life and that hurting people at some point is inevitable.
We’re obsessed with friendship bust-ups. Did Meghan,Duchess of Sussex,snub Jessica Mulroney? Did Taylor Swift and her coterie of A-list besties,known as “the squad” really fall out? Are Mary Donaldson and Amber Petty still mates now one of them is the Queen of Denmark?
Across the UK,a number of wealthy private schools are known to deter students – including heir to the British thronePrince George – from the commitment of a singular best friend,instead encouraging students to be kind to everyone in their class.
But are best friends inherently exclusive,or is it a normal part of a child’s development as they learn that they click with some people more than others? As we strive to improve inclusion among our kids,should the idea of having a best friend become obsolete?